Thursday, 31 August 2006

Knock & Run

I quite fancy doing a stint of knock and run down the corridor on the bridge. I wouldn't knock on the door, I'd knock on the little glass window running along the office wall.
Mischief night could be the night for it!

Wednesday, 30 August 2006

Learn to play the drums

I would like to learn to play the drums. I fancy myself as a bit of a drummer, I think I've got good hand-eye coordination, I can count and I think I'd be quite good. All I need now is a teacher who has a drumkit and a shedload of patience.
I always had drumkit on my if i win the lottery shopping list. I don't have the list anymore because I stopped playing the lottery, even though, I did say to myself I'd stop playing when I was 50.

The Milburn Junction

I used to live in a flat on St James Boulevard (aka Blenheim Street) and part of my walk home involved going past the Jackie Milburn statue (it was on the other side of the road) and what is known, according to the signpost, as the Milburn Junction.
The junction is controlled by traffic lights, traffic going up/down the road from the Redheugh Bridge into and from the town and coming out of Chinatown and that other little road near the brewery. There is a point when all of the lights are red.
When the lights were all red, I used to want to run into the middle of the junction and do a little dance, or a star-jump just because I could, and the cars couldn't run me over.

Justin Hawkins from the Darkness

I had a dream last night that Justin Hawkins from the Darkness died.

Monday, 28 August 2006


A scally was used to describe one who is also known in the Tyne & Wear as a charva/chav.
I wasn't a scally, I wasn't a townie you know. Scallies lived in the town.

Thursday, 24 August 2006

Stu Francis

Ooo I could crush a grape
I could test drive a Tonka
I could rip a tissue
I could jump off a dolls house

What a twat!

I saw him once, he was appearing in a children's entertainment theatre at the Funcoast World Skegness, where I went with my mum, dad & sister (my brother wasn't born then). He was on the stage doing his routine, fun & games and a sign-song, keep the kids quiet etc. Part of his show required a volunteer, I didn't get picked, and haven't forgiven him since.

Scrub this, what happened to Stu Francis? Who knows and who cares?
Not that I'm bitter or owt.

Thursday, 17 August 2006

There was an old woman from ninety-two, parlez-vous

There was an old woman from ninety-two, parlez-vous
There was an old woman from ninety-two, parlez-vous
There was an old woman from ninety-two, did a fart and out it flew
Inky pinky parlez-vous

The fart went rolling down the street, parlez-vous
The fart went rolling down the street, parlez-vous
The fart went rolling down the street, knocked a copper off his feet
Inky pinky parlez-vous

Julie saw the stinky-street, parlez vous
Julie saw the stinky-street, parlez vous
Julie saw the stinky-street, went through her legs and up a tree
Inky pinky parlez-vous

You know who taught me this?
A lady who used to take me and my sister for walks with her sheepdog 'King'. We used to go for walks and sing it along the road. And when we got home we'd go on our swings, and sing it at the top of our voice in the garden.

Which reminds me of the time when we were out walking, a lorry came past and literally blew my sister over and I think she cried. She's older than me too, we always thought it was really funny.


Croggy was the word used when you gave someone a ride on the back of your bike.
Giz a croggy

Sometimes I would sit on the croggy bit of the bike and pedal like this, and cos you were sat on the very rear of the bike, legs stretched to reach the pedals it would look like you were riding one of these Harley's.

The same bike (a hand-me-down) had it's back breaks controlled by a pedal backwards mechanism - great for doing skids.

Skids and croggys on the same bike, covered in spokey dokeys, spoke reflectors (free with Frosties) and plastic square-with-a-hole-in bag ties (that you got on loaves of bread) all over the front break cable.  No need for helmets in those days, what more could you want?

Wednesday, 16 August 2006

Misheard songs: Robbie Williams, Rudebox

This is a new song I think, the chorus goes something like:
"rudebox, shake your rudebox"

Though it sounds a lot like "rootbox, shake your rootbox"

If I shook my root box, it would certainly disturb the carrots i had growing in it and might encourage carrot root fly to lay eggs and destroy my entire crop.
Needless to say, I will not be shaking my root box whatsoever or buying the song.


I don't like spiders and I don't care who knows it.
I used to get on okay with them until one bit me - it did.

It was sat in the cupboard under the sink at my mum & dad's house, I was about to close the cupboard (a sliding door) and realised it would get squashed, so I held my finger out and gestured it to hop on and I'd put it somewhere safe.  Instead of climbing on, it reached forth and nipped me - not a painful nip, just enough to give me a start and for me to decide well how's that for gratitude, and promptly slid the cupboard door over the spider and killed it.

Never liked them since, talk about tarring them all with the same brush.

I can tolerate them on my allotment, spiders are supposed to be outside. 
I usually pretend I haven't seen them.

I cannot abide them in the house. 
I've not invited the spider in, therefore it should leave immediately (I usually have assistance at this point).

I wanted to do a cartwheel today

This isn't a lie either. I've been practicing cartwheels recently (at a friend's wedding reception in fact) and I feel like I should do them a bit more.

The corridor on the Bridge seemed pretty empty this morning and I just had that feeling that I should do one, get it out of my system.  Although - it might have had the opposite effect and I might have felt inclined to do more, but without doing one I'll never know.

I'm not sure about any H&S issues or terms and conditions of employment which forbid cartwheeling in the corridor.

I'm no good at doing rolypolys.
I used to enjoy doing hand-stands.

We used to play rain-storm-thunder-lightning on the school field when I was younger.  Someone would stand and shout 'rain-storm-thunder-lightning' and everyone else would do a hand-stand, the winner was the person who held the hand-stand the longest.  Some people would go all the way over, into a crab position, some wouldn't get enough kick on the way up and fall back down, some would get their legs up but their hands would buckle.  It was all good fun.  I expect they've banned rain-storm-thunder-lightning from Primary School playing fields now.

Not sure about the hyphenating of hand-stands either.

My ambition is to be able to do the splits without causing myself any lasting injury.

Shredded Wheat always reminds me of loofah brushes

When I was younger there was a big fat loofah in the bathroom, if you got it wet and put it in your mouth and bit it, the stringy bits would feel like the texture of shredded wheat.

Shredded wheat, when soaked in milk and eaten has the texture of a wet loofahs.

Whatever happened to...The Kids from The Goonies

A great film, Cheesy, corny, silly storyline, full of characters.
I can't remember their names, only what they were like:
  • The fat kid who wore the Hawaiian shirts
  • The Chinese kid who invented stuff which never worked (just like his dad)
  • The kid who had asthma who kissed the girlfriend (by mistake) of his older brother
  • The one they called 'mouth' who snogged
  • The geeky girl with the glasses
  • And the 'monster'

That's probably why they've never done a 'whatever happened to' TV show, cos no one knows what they were called

beefin' or jibbin'

Don't start beefin'
Ahh look he's beefin'

Was a word we used for crying

Mr OED says (if you scroll down the various 'beef' definitions)
A protest, (ground for) complaint, grievance. slang (orig. U.S.). Cf. BEEF v. 4.
1899 ADE Fables in Slang (1900) 80 He made a Horrible Beef because he couldn't get Loaf Sugar for his Coffee.

Sounds about right i think.

Don't get in a jib or Don't get in a jib with me

A jib was a strop, or mood - the OED has lot's of jib definitions, the only one I can find to support this one is from the word jibber To speak rapidly and inarticulately; to chatter unintelligibly. Also jibber-jabber
So i'm 'avin that.


Get brayed up
Pack it in or i'll bray you

Getting brayed was getting beaten up by someone.

Ha! Mr OED says:
Beaten small, bruised, pounded

Which is exactly what happened to you.
If you did get brayed up by someone, you'd probably start beefin'


"Pack it in, or else you'll get dun!"

Gettin' dun was what siblings/friends said to you if you were causing trouble as a threat so you'd behave. Parents would never say, behave or you'll get dun.

And no one wants to get dun, gettin' dun might involved gettin' brayed by your mam or your dad.

Doyle and Doyley

Used as an insult 'you doyle' also 'you doyley'

Mr OED online says,
There are no results

Lisa says, bugger.

And the OED tells me that the nearest 'alphabetical match-point' is 'doze' which is a poor substitute. It did have 'doile' and a whole load of explanation. But the word for me was d-o-y-l-e not doile.

As for 'you doyley'
Nowt there either.

It was still a useful insult to use, even if it didn't mean anything - clever really, cos if you called someone a doyle and your mam heard, you couldn't get dun off her, cos it wasn't a real word, was it?


Used as an insult: 'you flid'

Not sure where this one came from, the OED online hasn't heard of it, but has suggested 'flidder: A local name for the limpet'

I'm sure if i was called a flidder or a flid, i'd feel insulted, but only for about 5 seconds.
Then i'd say, 'shut up you doyle'.

Tuesday, 15 August 2006

Find a blue bag in a packet of walkers crisps (the days before Gary Lineker)

Find a blue bag in a packet of walkers crisps, crinkle crunch or double crunch crisps and you could win one of £5, £20 or even the hundred thousand pound jackpot. There are 8 million instant win prizes to be won, so, let's have a look me duck...Thank you Doreen (lovely girl)...wh-oo-p....BINGO!

There are 8 million instand win prizes to be won

Spoken in my bestest burmmy accent
I often get adverts from TV 'stuck' inside my head.  The one above was from my 6th Form days when Walkers crisps were using a 'blue-bag' to give away prizes.  The main character of the advert was a white duck with a Brummy accent. 
I used to reel this shite off frequently.  Oh how we laughed.

I've now been banned from watching television channels with commercial breaks.

Misheard songs: Randy Crawford - Streetlights (Streetlife)

"I play the streetlife, because there`s no place I can go
Streetlife it`s the only life I know
Streetlife and there`s a thousand parts to play
Streetlife until you play your life away"

So why did i think, for all these years this woman sang
'Street lights' instead of Streetlife'

The Littlest Hobo

"There's a voice that keeps on calling me
Down the road is where I'll always be

Every stop I make, I'll make a new friend
Can't stay for long, just turn around and I'm gone again.

Maybe tomorrow, I'll want settle down,
Until tomorrow, I'll just keep moving on."

As with all of these showbiz types, he probably got shafted by his agent, and now sits beside a big issue seller with a placard saying 'used to be the littlest hobo' - and everyone who walks past, points and thinks to themselves 'yeh right'.

I always thought the music was sung by Derek Griffiths (from Playschool, I know it wasn't cos the show was American)

Monday, 14 August 2006

My second post

Second post, same as the first (little bit louder and a little bit worse)

Spokey dokeys, pootle the flump, captain cave man, car wash from will'o the wisp and car wash the song by Rose Royce, not Rolls Royce or King Rollo packet of rollos - your last rollo, everlasting gobstopper, jaw breakers, break dancing, dancing in the street, streethawk, hawkeye - man from M*A*S*H, for Mash get smash, go smash an egg, humpty dumpty, playschool, square window, black widow spider, anorak-knee-phobia, kagool, kajagoogoo, tiny tears, tears for fears, everybody wants to rule the world, feed the world, world in action, action force (against cobra the enemy), NME, Eeee Claire, Claire Claire Octopus Hair (the only way you could brush is was standing on a chair), Chair-Kit-Out, checkitout - chockablock and rentaghost, for old time's sake.

My first post
My first post always has to start with the words, my-first-post. 

But in real life I don't remember anything about my first post, only that i had a play-post-office set with scales, and pretend stamps and an ink pad with stamp. 

Interestingly I wrote my friend a letter and put a stamp on it and posted it, needless to say she never got it.