Monday, 20 September 2010

How many people make a crowd?

There was something to suggest that 4 people made a protest, but that's not necessarily a crowd.

And how many does it take to make a riot?

Or is a riot just a 'crowd with intent' I was going to say a riot was an angry crowd, but an angry crowd can be perfectly harmless.

My sister's partner looks like...Jean Reno

Jean Reno
Here we are, Pete Turner, my sisters bloke.  I think he looks like Jean Reno, from the film Leon

Tuesday, 14 September 2010

My death...

"I'm the kind of guy that laughs at a funeral, can't understand what I mean? You soon will"
Oh yes, the lyrics from Barenaked Ladies track, One Week.

Last week on the news there was a tragic story about one of the musicans from the band ELO, who died when a hay bale rolled down a hill onto the road & crushed him in his car....My reaction? I laughed out loud.  I thought it was hilarious.

If I was to die, before my time, then I'd much rather have a bizarre death than a long drawn out illness or something tragic. 

She was killed by a speedboat which had falled off the back of a lorry, slid down a hill, though a car park, into the supermarket & killed her whilst she was selecting which dried pasta.  She had a bag of farfalle in her hand at the time....

She was killed when a lorry shed its load of tinned alphabetti-spaghetti on the dual carriage way, she was driving on the other carriageway and didn't notice one of the tins had broken and splattered onto her windscreen, she didn't have enough water to clear the screen & her view was obstructed by the letters B U G G E and R

She was killed by a pair of socks on a rotary washing line.  The socks were part of a 'dark load' that had just been hung out on a very windy day.  The washing line had spun so fast the washing had wrapped itself around her and the socks stuffed into her mouth, blocking her airway...They were her favourite black socks that read Lisa: Unique in Every Way

It's one to talk about at your funeral, and it's one you won't forget, and it's one that'll make people laugh.
I want people to laugh at my funeral. I want them to take photos.  It's one of the few occasions that you get all of your family and friends together in one room where they actually all talk to each other without arguing.

Sunday, 12 September 2010

My dining room decorating project

This year we hope to have our dining room decorated. Wallpaper off, carpet removed, radiators moved, wood panelling burned (whilst dancing like a heebeejeebee), sockets moved, new furniture, new alcove storage, a window seat with storage - you get the idea.  We're not doing anything structural in here, so it should be straight forward...

So we set to work stripping the wall paper off: wall & ceiling, to see what extent of plastering is required - just a skim? or completely replacing.Then we discover this quirky 'original feature' - the original plaster coving, discovered after removing some 'pretend' coving whilst stripping the wallpaper off the walls.

Once the crazy coving is off the walls we take the ceiling wallpaper off to reveal this baked-bean coloured ceiling.  Nice.

The we get to the fireplace, and take off some of the wooden panelling, hoping to reveal bare plaster....But no, we reveal...More wallpaper.

I should point out that this wallpaper is completely different to the wallpaper I've removed from wall and ceiling.  It's like they couldn't be arsed to remove this. This actually comes off quite easily, so I'm not so cross about this.But then you get to the ceiling, and see that it's a flush join with a proper corner.  Where has the plaster coving gone from this bit?  Oh, I see, they've chiselled it out so their nice wooden panelling looks neat.
So we've got this room, un wallpapered with 3 walls which have original ceiling coving (giving us no joins where wall-meets-ceiling) and on one wall with joins.

And a bay window which is about 6 inches lower than the rest of the ceiling....what do we do?
I know we'll lower the rest of the ceiling to match the bay window and not have to worry about the mish-mash of ceiling coving nonsense.

Marzipan Frogs

Remember my post about Betty's & the pic of the frogs? Well I decided that I could probably make a batch of them.  And so I did. Here's my guide to making marzipan frogs.
  1. Start with a batch of fairy cakes, peel off the paper, cut the top off, turn over & put the extra bit on the top.
  2. Get yourself some marzipan and if you haven't done so already, put a blob of gree food colouring in & mix it up  Handy tip: put the marzipan into a freezer bag & mix it up, so your hands won't get covered in green food colouring.
  3. Pull off a small amount of marzipan & roll out to 5mm, take a large round cutter & cut a circle out.
  4. Cover the fairy cake in apricot glaze & stick the marzipan to it & smooth over, tuck any extra bits underneath.
  5. Measure out 18g of marzipan for the head, roll into a ball, flatten slightly, slice one end for the mouth & shape it.  Use apricot glaze to stick this to the top of the base.
  6. For the eyes roll out small balls of marzipan & stick these to the back of the head.
  7. To whiten the eye, use a thick water-icing paste and dab-on carefully with a cocktail stick/skewer.
  8. To do the pupils use ready made writing icing, make sure it's soft (put the tube in a cup of hot water to soften), practise first & dot the eyes.
  9. Repeat for each frog & you should have yourselves a little crowd of the fellas.
  10. Now tidy up your mess before you eat one.
To view a step by step photo guide go to this flickr page

Saturday, 4 September 2010

Not one for the faint-hearted

Toad in the holeA couple of weekends ago the weather was lovely and hot and we decided to have a barbeque in the back garden (so far so good), we'd also invited the in-laws round for barbeque dinner too, and they joined us just after 4.

We all sat around on the deckchairs chatting and getting along, when I noticed what my father-in-law was wearing, or rather wasn't.  My father-in-law was wearing a pair of loose summer shorts, and for some reason had chosen not to wear any undercrackers.

You can imagine what I noticed, and that it's certainly something a daughter-in-law should never see.
I did take Mr Lisa aside and ask him whether or not it would be appropriate for him to mention this to him, but he didn't, I just made sure I wasn't sat in a position where the offending article could offend me.