Monday, 5 August 2013

I've cried every day for the last month. 

I've cried every day for the last month.  Not all day, but at some point every day.  I didn't really think that it was possible, but I understand now why people do.
I cry for what I've lost, what I wanted, what happened, what I went through and what might have been (30weeks this week).
I've been busy.  Making and baking and allotmenting, cake clubbing, watching comedy, visiting friends, having friends and family visit.  And back to work.  My life isn't on hold, it's not at a stand-still, it has to keep going. 
If I keep busy then the days pass quicker.  I was told that it gets easier each day, if I can make the days pass by quicker then it's going to get easier, isn't it?
When I'm not busy I think of Ellie (the name we gave our little girl), usually when I'm on the metro, or winding down in bed or in the first few moments of waking up.
I know I'll never forget what happened, or forget my baby. I just have to do the best I can.

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