My name in....chocolate

I went to an event organised by the Newcastle Gatehhead EAT Festival about Chocolate, run by Bev at North Chocolates, she showed and shared her experiences of creating gifts and treats using tempered chocolate (she also shared her experiences and tips on tempering chocolate too) - easy and simple if you have a microwave (I don't).  

The short session included several opportunities to sample her creations with exciting flavour combinations such as lemon sea salt, raspberry and white chocolate, chill chocolate, mixed peel and fruit.

I thought I'd use my newfound tempering skills and have a go myself, I did manage some very neat writing, and wrote my name in dark chocolate.

Last night I dreamt about the test results

Last night I dreamt I went to the doctors to get the test results for the baby I had in June. In the dream the doctor said that they couldn't find anything in the tests. They couldn't explain why she'd died. Nothing had caused it. And there wasn't anything wring with me or her which caused it.

We get the results in September, so I'm still thinking about why it happened. Plus I had a little cry before bed because I was thinking about why it had to happen.

Last night I dreamt about a flying poisonous spider

Last Night I Dreamt about a big flying poisonous spider that terrorized everyone. I spent most of the dream running away from it.

It turned up at Barre class, in the swimming pool with 10YO stepson and at a restaurant, where it was caught in a napkin only to bite them (kill them) and fly off.

I hate spiders like that.

I've cried every day for the last month.

 
I've cried every day for the last month.  Not all day, but at some point every day.  I didn't really think that it was possible, but I understand now why people do.

I cry for what I've lost, what I wanted, what happened, what I went through and what might have been (30weeks this week).

I've been busy.  Making and baking and allotmenting, cake clubbing, watching comedy, visiting friends, having friends and family visit.  And back to work.  My life isn't on hold, it's not at a stand-still, it has to keep going. 

If I keep busy then the days pass quicker.  I was told that it gets easier each day, if I can make the days pass by quicker then it's going to get easier, isn't it?

When I'm not busy I think of Ellie (the name we gave our little girl), usually when I'm on the metro, or winding down in bed or in the first few moments of waking up.

I know I'll never forget what happened, or forget my baby. I just have to do the best I can.

Last night i dreamt about an all-night dance party

Last night i dreamt Mr Lisa and I went to a dance party in a hotel, for some reason I ended up wearing Mr Lisa's trousers. The music was okay and  there were waves of shit music and good music.
Later on at the party I saw my friend Kathryn, she didn't see me as she was too busy headbutting someone that she'd had a disagreement with, only Kath's head could only reach the chin of the person she was butting and it looked quite comical. The person she was headbutting DID come off worse.

I also woke up with the song "Sincere" by MJ Cole in my head, here's the YouTube link if you like, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4FPqxqynXgg&feature=youtube_gdata_player

*i think I dreamt this because Mr Lisa and I were talking about going to see The Chemical Brothers in Manchester in December, i want to go but he doesn't - boo*